Being Heard Can Change People

Being Heard Can Change People

In Colombia, psychologist Sigifredo Castell Britton worked with young men who grew up in gangs.

Violence, quick reactions, and strict rules about loyalty were their normal. One day, he sat in a room with them - no weapons, no orders, just chairs in a circle and listening.

At first, they talked about everyday things. But over time, the tone changed: the boys started pausing before responding. They shared stories about missing parents, lost brothers, and nights spent awake, listening for danger. Just being heard without judgment gave them the space to slow down and think before acting.

Psychologists call this breaking automatic survival responses - feeling comfortable enough to pause before reacting.

One afternoon, a man approached Castell outside. Calm, gun at his side, he said: “You need to leave. You’re taking my boys away from me.”

And he was right. Listening had started to change them. Pauses replaced instant reactions. Questions replaced blind obedience. The patterns the gang members had relied on for survival were shifting, and that scared the people still holding the old rules.

When people feel genuinely heard, it changes how they respond, think, and even see the world. In spaces ruled by fear and speed, slowing down and listening can be more powerful than stopping them with force.

(Analysis by Sigifredo Castell Britton for Psychology Today)