the art of saying no

We’ve all been there. A friend asks for a favor. A colleague needs help. A family member makes a request. And before we even think, the word slips out: Yes.

Why do we do it?

Sometimes, it’s the fear of disappointing others. Sometimes, it’s the need to be liked. And sometimes, it’s because we believe saying yes is the “Islamic” thing to do.

But here’s the truth: Always saying yes comes at a cost:

• Burnout and Resentment: Constantly putting others first can lead to exhaustion. When we overcommit, we risk feeling overwhelmed or even resentful. And that resentment can damage relationships.

• Compromising Your Values: Sometimes, we say yes to things that conflict with our principles just to avoid conflict. It feels easier in the moment, but it leads to inner chaos.

• Losing Sincerity (Ikhlas): When we act to please people rather than to please Allah SWT, we compromise our sincerity. The intention behind our actions matters just as much as the actions themselves.

Islam teaches us compassion and generosity. But it also teaches balance. The Prophet PBUH was known for his kindness, yet he set boundaries when needed. He served others without neglecting his own well-being.

Just as we’re not expected to pray beyond our capacity or fast when it harms us, we’re not expected to take on more than we can handle in our daily lives.

How do I start saying no?

• Pause and Reflect: Before saying yes, take a moment. Ask yourself: “Am I doing this just to please this person? Will doing this be good for me?”

• Set Boundaries with Kindness: You don’t have to be harsh to say no. A simple, “I’d love to help, but I’m at my limit right now,” is both honest and gentle.

• Remember Your Priorities: Serving others is noble, but not at the cost of your own well-being or sincerity. Taking care of yourself allows you to serve others better in the long run.

Remember, friend, generosity and kindness are beautiful qualities. But they lose their value when given at the cost of your own health, sincerity, or values.

You can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself.